Sunday, 25 January 2015


By Dickson Otieno 

You know what I really want right now? Assurance! To be assured that I am in the right place. Doing the right thing. Planning for the right future. Making the right decisions! I need to be guaranteed that everything I am doing will one day pay off. That all these studies and all these 14yrs I have been in school will in the end matter. But I’m not getting that. 

For example this course I am taking. I don’t even know where the heck I will apply it! I don’t want to waste a second of my life reading about it. Not that it is hard or something. In fact, if I sit down a single night and read I will understand everything. I am sure of that. What I don’t really understand is why I am being forced to take it, in third year, when I thought in university I’d get the chance to choose whatever I want to study. 

To make it worse, the lecturer who is supposed to be teaching me the said course instead of making things easier goes ahead and spoils everything. The person can’t teach! I mean literally! And he gets paid for it. 

I can accurately picture his life story. He is this special type of genius. The one who didn’t have to study for anything. The proud genius who wanted everyone to notice him. The type who couldn’t strike out a conversation with people but felt left out when people met up and became friends. The type who didn’t have real friends. Most of his so called friends only stuck around to be helped with assignments and examinations. He must have plotted to revenge against people. “When I get power they’ll know me”. I’m so sure he was the type to be stressed when he met other brilliant minds. The type who stayed up all night reading so as to outdo others. 

Maybe things didn’t work out somewhere and he ended up becoming a lecturer. Not that I loathe lecturers. He just landed in the wrong job, this specific guy. He probably wanted to build a lot of stuff and become great and widely heard of and read, but all he got was this: teaching kids who had no love or admiration for him. Kids who only cared about passing exams and going forth in life. Kids who’d leave him doing the same thing all over again. And that’s why he wouldn’t want to make it easy for them.

I think that’s why he certainly makes life hard for us students. He walks in and blabbers a whole 3hrs without referring to a single book. Asking of impossible tasks from students and laughing at how we fail miserably. “Nobody got that question, as I expected. Kila mtu zero”, he will often say. And then with a sly smile continue without explaining to anybody. He will laugh now and then at our stupidity as if we pay school fees to remain stupid. 

Maybe I chose the wrong course. But then again I met somebody taking Literature and she’s also complaining. She particularly doesn’t love being forced to read a set of books. She would love 3 or 4 books, I guess, but not 50. I wouldn’t love that too, would I?  I love reading literature. Maybe I’d fit in in her class. But I don’t think I’d love having someone dictate to me what (and what not) to read. I don’t know. 

It happens, so I hear. That there are certain choices we make and in the middle of it all we start giving up. We start regretting our decisions. We start looking for assurance that all will be well. The way I hear it happens in relationships where at some point you’re not really sure “you feel each other” like you used to. Well that’s life. Nothing is assured. This is all we get. 

And I am really mad at life right now. This is all I get, huh? 

Everything will be alright in the end. That’s something we all know. And I believe everything will be alright. But how will we fair on before the end? What will happen before the end?

Maybe the assurance of life lies in the mysteries of the future. 

There’s an end alright. We’ll just have to gamble with our choices and plans for the future and believe that everything will be fine. 

Dickson is one of the bloggers who I have recently begun reading his work and I love. Check out more of his posts on his site, The Eleventh.


  1. Everybody just calm down. Calm down. LOL. In the end, everything will fall into place.

    I am thinking I so know the lecturer described here but my lips are sealed.

    1. "Hope is a good thing. And no good thing dies" Every thing will fall into place?

      Oh and the lecturer and all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and highly regretted.


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