Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Dear X

Dear X,

I don’t know how much of a bad idea this is. I have a hunch it is very dumb. But isn’t that what people do because of love? Dumb things, like writing letters to their future baes. I have struggled with the idea of doing this for quite a while, and today I have decided I might as well get on with it, dumb as it is. My heart is drumming faster, probably because I know one day this will not be a letter to some man in my fantasy, but a real one in my life.

So, am I lonely? Not at all. In fact, I do not want you to make an entrance in my life just yet. I want to enjoy this period of waiting for you. A couple of years later would be fine though, I am not growing any younger you know. I have named you X because that is always the missing component in any equation :p Lately I tend to think about you a lot. 

But what do I think about when I do not even know what you sound like? 

That is the exciting part. I do not envision what you look like, because I know anything that God made was beautiful in His eyes. Gen 1:31. I do not even think much about what kind of job you are doing and how much you are making (I’d like to think you are not slothful though ;)), I simply delight in the fact that you are son to my Father. That you delight in His word, that you enjoy chewing on them and savoring the taste of their sweet juice. My eyes dance with excitement when I see you in my mind's eye speaking to me about this Word of Truth, the Gospel of my Salvation. I rest in the knowledge that what gives us Ultimate Joy and Peace is synonymous for us both.

Even as I dream of you, I do not dream of anything perfect. I know it will take a lot of effort from both of us to have the relationship work. I know that not all days will be pure bliss and ecstasy. I know we will have moments where baggage from our pasts will make fun of us. I do not think of you as flawless in any sense, rather very flawed. We both are. But I do see two people who are committed. I see two people who are not influenced by society standards on what a relationship should look like, sound like, or be like. I am glad that we will both look to One for our standards, and it is to this One that we will both be accountable to for how we treat each other.

I think of days where we would do silly things, because I love silly and stupid. But this is not known by many. Most people you will meet will tell you how I am calm and composed, without much to say. They’ll probably tell you how I am good at minding my own business and managing my drama-less quiet life. Silly does not even feature anywhere in a sentence used to describe me. I am too thoughtful to be silly, and that is what you will probably say about me when you first meet me, until The Pandora’s Box opens. Whatever comes after that, do not say I did not warn you. 

I live for quality time. Deep conversations (and silly ones too) on anything under the Sun. I will probably take longer to answer because I tend to think a lot and forget to speak :D. Be prepared to handle my never-ending questions, this is just me thinking out loud. I love games that require me to think, what the world calls intelligent games. I love to learn, I am always curious and for that reason, documentaries are one of the things I love. I love to laugh, so team animations all the way! 

I will plainly tell you that I will not play false romanticism. I will not tell you that you save me from myself and that you complete me because you do not. One man did, 2000 years ago, and that is not you. I will not put you in His position in my life. I will love you but I will not idolize you, or us. I will be your helper in every way. When you hurt, I will do my best to help you feel better. When you are devastated, I will always be there to hold your hand and pray with you. When you are laid off from your job, it will be my duty to be understanding and comforting and not to accuse you of failing to provide. What will keep us together is the fact that every day, in every way, we will keep pointing each other to God, who is helping us every day in this School of Sanctification, because we are both sinners.

So how is it waiting for you? 

The world perceives single hood as a problem. Days on end, I see ladies filling their Instagram feed with photos and a paragraph of sweet-nothings while in the real they are crying every night, but their insecurities overpower their need to up and leave. They look for identity and acceptance from relationships, so without one then they feel not pretty enough, not hardworking enough, not ‘keeper’ enough. I see men thrilled to chase these ladies because they know they are vulnerable. They pursue without a plan. When they finally get them, they lack commitment, they lack honesty, they lack leadership. So, when the excitement dies, they seek it outside of their ‘relationship’, which then leaves the lady struggling to fight for her man.

This is the environment around as I wait. And before I learned how seriously I should wait for you, I was pursued without a plan, and fell for it. Sad thing, as Jannette Ikz says, is that I knew he was not you from the start. He shone not as my Father’s son. The more I would look at him, the more the point landed home, I needed to wait for you. 

And as I wait, pursuers without plans are still pursuing. But I learned, and I now know. I must wait. I am not looking forward to presenting you with endless baggage anyway :P

So, I wait. I am not just dreaming as I do so. I am quite busy in fact. I am striving to increase in the knowledge of God. I am striving to grow into the Biblical godly woman; I am striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I am not striving to be perfect, I never can be, and that would scare you away anyway, but I am trying to be the woman that God designed me to be. I am working on my Entrepreneurial skills, my home-keeping skills and I am learning about motherhood. I am surrounding myself with good women with good sound advice on everything :)

I do realize that I am very naïve as I write this. What I have in my head may not actually be how it will turn out to be. And that is fine. But important thing is, I wait for you. 

One day we will meet and we shall take the world by storm! :””D :”””””D Always wanted to say that.

Yours,
Gertie (But you can call me Sheshe or Kututs or The Jaywalker or Ms. Photography, whichever you like)

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9 comments:

  1. Great Article *Hides*

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  2. So relatable but in males perspective.I'm in the same boat..waiting....

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  3. "I simply delight in the fact that you are son to my Father. That you delight in His word, that you enjoy chewing on them and savoring the taste of their sweet juice. My eyes dance with excitement when I see you in my mind's eye speaking to me about this Word of Truth, the Gospel of my Salvation. I rest in the knowledge that what gives us Ultimate Joy and Peace is synonymous for us both." I love it :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Prinzess :D Share the experience with me as I wait :D:D

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  4. I have been single my entire life, not that I've lived long, I'm just 19 years. It is for this very reason that I wait or rather I remind myself each day to do so. Not that I am perfect In God's word or anything but I'd really want to give my all to the man God chooses for me. Just as you said, don't want to bring him any baggage. Like right now it's all about focusing on personal growth in Christ. I see people worried they won't cook well, clean well e.t.c or even judge me for the same. Thing is, when God takes over your life, He handles even those nitty gritties. He's just that cool. Thank you for this post cause it's reminded me why I chose to wait and continue to do so. We should so get to know each other:-)

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Everyone has 24 hours a day, difference is how you use it up. I am a cocktail of a lady who loves art and is tech-savvy.

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